The Approach

You might think that the only thing that matters during a difficult conversation is what’s said, and the end result. But this can be drastically affected by the approach, both good and bad. Approaching something like a difficult conversation is key to the outcome, because it sets up the atmosphere and tone that the conversation might take on. A bad approach, or an abrupt, sudden approach might lead to confusion, and potential accusations being thrown about. However, a good approach can lead to a swift conclusion that satisfies the parties, or least informs them of the news in a productive and constructive manner. Before you start a difficult conversation, there should always be numerous factors you take into account beforehand. The main factors to consider are SETTING and TIME. 

SETTING – The setting of a difficult conversation is vital. The idea of having a difficult conversation relies on less-than-ideal information being passed on from one party to another, with the goal in mind of resolving an issue that’s affecting both parties negatively. If you want the information to stick, and you want to come to a suitable resolution, then the setting needs to be the right one. Think of what a teacher might do. Let’s assume you hand in an assignment which isn’t very good, and your teacher wants to talk to you about it. They could find you in the playground at lunch, send an email home, or they might bump into you by coincidence when you’re with friends and family. These aren’t the settings that are going to help this conversation. It’s the classroom. The reason why? The classroom is where you learn. You are able to put your viewpoint across as to why you’ve done what you’ve done, and they’re able to explain the possible missteps. The classroom is where you can expect to face some negative feedback with work. You don’t want to deal with it at home, or when you’re enjoying yourself, because when this happens, it can become one sided and not constructive. This isn’t what you want with a difficult conversation.

TIME – Time is just as important. Let’s take the assignment again. Your teacher wants to let you know it wasn’t as good as it should’ve been, and they let you know this in front of everyone else in the room. This is equally as destructive as choosing the wrong location. A difficult conversation is often personal to an individual, and therefore it should only be addressed to that individual. When you share personal information with other people even if it’s indirectly, the person on the receiving end can become defensive as they don’t want to be perceived as wrong, and as a result they might not accept what you have to say. The best thing to do is arrange a time to talk. No one likes being caught off-guard with negative news, so allow them time to prepare themselves for what you might have to say, and even if you have to delay for whatever reason that’s okay too. Your conversation will be much more productive when parties are ready for it.